I recently took another online quiz (rather than go out on a weekend - one of my "for later" things). It seems like growing old has changed me - to think! Heh. It says that I tend to think first of myself and focus on logic and details. People like me also prefer discussion and debate. TRANSLATION: loudmouth, over-the-top nit-picker. Haha! It's cool that I have him as a personality counterpart: 
Yay! Brian Griffin!
I am a fan of self-discovery tools like these (probably to get away from the truth, haha). I'll try some more stuff that I tried at work, not those lame (other) online quizzes.
 A number of updates have appeared in my Inbox and it made me think how you guys never run out of things to post. For somebody who can't stay seated, there are such days as placid. Let me try to squeeze some for the heck of it...okay... Being in the "regular" routine has its obvious advantages. I find myself having to rest soundly at night (that having its own distinct health benefits as well). Dinner with family and more people watching in the commute. Of course, being used to working during off-peak hours can be a little annoying, especially for me who particularly dislike mobs - gross, sweaty mobs who commit the capital sin of reek. Well, it's just nice to be in this state for once. Things at work, in my opinion are so-so. I have been in a number of different environments so it's natural for me to adjust. Complaints and rants still fly from people's asses. Some have reason, some have air, some just full of solid waste. Still, you just have to be cool. Cold as ice and shake it off. Go on and mind my own crap. Recently, I was given a new task. Probably one of the biggest since I'm the only one leading it at the moment. If the law of succession holds true, then I may have just bumped into a huge opportunity; and if I learn how to rear it well, a great reward will surely await me. Here's to hoping no bad luck will come my way. I had to put some things on hold for now - shopping, night-outs, COFFEE (ugh), and one too many cab rides. For the first time, I'd had to budget for even greater, more important purchases. With the setup currently at place in terms of h, doing this (as difficult as it looks like) is easy as pie. Someone told me that you can never find a thing too hard when you know you have the right one. Uhm, so there. No photos, no people around, no fancy music, no newly bought gadgets, no drunken or drugged-up friends. Just straight-up narration of (un)events used as blog fodder. I told you I am as fun as watching paint dry.
 Bakit kaya yung ibang tao ang kapal ng muhkang magpatugtog ng music player nila on loudspeaker mode sa loob ng LRT? Nakakakulo ng dugo as if private VIP corner nila yung train ampangit naman ng pinapatugtog - "Go on girl, go on girl go on giiiirrrrlll..." Buti na lng talaga semi-noise cancelling yung earphones ko. Mabuti nang mabingi ako sa sarili kong sounds! (Karen naiintindihan na kita).
'Di ko din maintindihan yung ibang lalaki - bakit yung iba balbas sarado tapos wala naman buhok sa tuktok. Panot pero ang kapal kapal ng balahibo sa muhka. Parang ako, halos walang buhok sa kilikili pero sa *toot* - rainforest!
Bakit kaya kapag bumili ka ng isang garapon ng Stik-O may 2 sticks sa loob na nakabalot separately sa loob ng plastic ng ice candy?!?
 If you ask me 2 years ago what phone should you buy based on your needs I would have given you the "phone from the heavens". Now, I have lost track of the latest innovation in mobile communication technology and have isolated myself from ever knowing if I need to "upgrade" in the next 4 months. I am still using my trusty Samsung D900 which has been with me since 2006. Weird - but "if it ain't broke".When I get to talk with people I am not anymore interested in seeing whether or not I "need" a Macbook Pro or a Nikon D80. I lost my camera (got stolen), and even if it's still here it never occurred to me that it deserved an upgrade. Besides, bringing a camera means you don't get to camwhore yourself out in events, haha! Anyway, I feel like my conscious effort to steer clear of gadget lust is paying off. I am slowly learning to repeatedly ask myself "Do I really need this?"Of course, I still have a short list of items/what-have-yous for acquisition:- a female Shih-Tzu pup (Achilles line)
- a small rent-to-own place in Mandaue (Hernan Cortes) that will serve as my remote rest house (or future permanent dwelling).
- a business revolving around water (I am a water sign after all - and I've always considered owning a laundromat, LOL!)
- a Nokia e61i (or if I'm stretching it, a Samsung i780) for productivity while I'm on a 2-hour transit to work, provided that mobile internet is extremely reliable.
- prolly a '96 Mazda 323 - just enough to conveniently travel to and fro
Perhaps I can go back here and strike things off sometime soon.
You may ask what the hell happened to me - I could attribute it to a forwarded email (believe me I'm not a fan of such) about the value of acquiring things that will generate more money and savings than those that depreciate in a short while. The rainy days may be sooner than I think, might as well be ready.
Primarily, I write because that's the best thing I know how to do. The first poem that I wrote was entitled "Pretty" and I wrote it when I was 10. I'm not sure where it is now. I wrote for the school paper in high school and continued doing poems. I kept a journal for 6 years (though half of it ended up getting burned for absolutely horrendously embarassing contents). English is my all-time favorite subject but ironically, I never bothered reading a lot of literature as reading bored me to tears. This is simply where my zone is.
Blogging interested me in the last 5 years or so. In fact, numerous blogs of mine have resided and left to stagnate on various sites. Some have raised the eyebrows of people I know and at one point I became a victim of my own freedom. Now, all of my thoughts in writing are placed here in Multiply. It may not be something to brag about yet I find a unique kind of satisfaction in such activity.
My online journal contains more of observations rather than adventures. In all honesty I wish I could write about an incident at some friend's party or a very busy day strolling around the metropolis. I am not the type of person who goes out a lot and write about a certain place I visited, though when given the opportunity I make sure to express it in writing. Material acquisitions are something that I'm also not known of so it's hard to get attention from there as well. Most of the subjects being commented on by me are coming from my TV watching habits. But most importantly, it comes from the relentless devil inside my head continuously feeding me with a jolt of various emotions - anxiety, euphoria, melancholy, arousal.
Still, from time to time I feel the need of marketing it. Only one word can be described for this endeavor - futile. It doesn't bother me in the least bit quite frankly. My opinions and showings have received an adequate amount of head-turning and appreciation just by itself.
Where am I going at here? Plainly put - Thank You! It makes me gleeful to check that there are people who consistently check my entries. It doesn't matter if they were just viewed or read, a short amount of your precious time is good enough for me. Thanks to those who comment even in the most annoying of entries I wrote. It makes my opinions a little bit more important.
This is a shout-out for you - peeping into a vital morsel of my being.
This is a shout-out to you.
All appreciation.
Not a huge fan as it already became mainstream (water cooler topic which I hate) but enjoy!
Sometimes I get too annoyed with how my brain operates.
Whenever I go into something I think I already have in the bag, or deem that I'm gonna get luckier, the damn thing never happens anyway.
Like, for example, if I feel like I'm gonna get a huge serving of coffee and free lunch, I end up not being able to find a Starbucks nearby (yes, that's possible).
The pre-emptive nature of my thoughts disappoints more than it boosts.
Now that I think of it, they may not be self-destructing hunches - more of moments of delusion.
But who doesn't like the idea of getting more chicks even before the eggs even hatch?
LOL!
 | Ikot | May 9, '08 12:12 PM
for everyone |
Tuloy-tuloy. Tuloy tuloy ang pag-ikot ng mundo ngunit ako'y nakahimpil pa rin dito. Hapo. Talunan. Naghihinagpis. Higit sa lahat, nag-iisa.
Siguro ang pinakamahirap na gawain sa lahat ay ang ipakita ang matamis na ngiti habang may tinitiis na poot at kalungkutan. Hindi natatapos ang isang araw na hindi ko nahuhuli ang sarili kong tulala at may namumugtong mga mata.
Patuloy kong inuusisa ang aking sarili, "Ano'ng mali sa akin?" Sa tinagal-tagal ng panahong kilala ko ang aking pagkatao - mula sa kapuri-puring aspeto hanggang sa mga kahinaan - muhkang hindi ko pa rin kilala kung sino ako. "Bakit parating may kulang?" Ang buong pagkakabatid ko'y ang pagiging tapat ang sagot sa lahat ng pagdududa. Hindi ako manloloko. Hindi ko kailanman ninais na manlinlang. Kung ano man ang ipinapakita ko, iyon ay dahil pinapatakbo ako ng aking nararamdaman. Malalim ang pinagmulan na sa aking pag-aakala'y sapat na. Nagkamali ako.
May pagkakataong sasampalin ka ng tadhana sa pisngi upang ika'y matuto. Mga ilang ulit na rin naman akong nagkaganoon, ngunit wala akong pinagkatandaan. Tulad ng isang gamo-gamong nahahalina sa ningas, walang pag-iingat kong iniwan ang mga tao at pangyayaring tiyak at may patutunguhan. Nilamon ako ng aking pagiging bulagsak.
Mahirap tanggapin na sa kabila ng matuwid mong pakay at damdamin, may mga taong mas pipiliin ang mga katangiang lugod sa nakakarami. Masakit isipin na ang mababaw na pamantayan ay nangibabaw laban sa tapat na hangarin; na ang batayan sa paghirang ng taong makakasama ay ayon sa pagtanggap ng iba. Ako'y napinsala ng malupit at bulaang sukatan ng pagkatao. Higit sa lahat, ako'y naging isang hangal.
Ikot. Hiling ko na sana'y tumulin pa ang pag-ikot ng mga kamay ng orasan upang matapos na rin ang sakit. Ngayon ko kailangan ng paghihilom. Nais kong bumilis ang pag-ikot ng mundo nang ako ay tuluyan nang bumangon sa pagkakasadlak. Sawa na ako sa dusa.
Isa lang naman ang may katiyakan: tuloy ang pag-inog ng panahon. Sa huli'y susuko rin ang sakit... 10 December 2006 First Blog entry I made in Filipino - was proud of it (full of raw emotion and so) so I'm posting it here.
| What Paolo Means |
You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.
Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems.
Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. |
Do you agree?
This is kinda stupid. The longer your name the more it puts. I put "Pao" and I'm a lesser person. I call travesty! XD
It's starting to get a little bit uneasy for me to go to Church. Not that I am complaining, but in a way it is an obligation to at least give up a little bit of Sunday to your God. However, it seems like everytime I go to church I'm not sure how am I supposed to feel. I know I should be thankful for the countless blessings, and be sorry if I offended people. I'm not so certain what else is there...
| Mold | Apr 24, '08 3:58 PM
for everyone |
When I was 6 years old, it became apparent what my role in the family would be. It is of utmost obligation to have my parents go up the stage every March to help me get a piece of parchment paper with scribbles of "With Distinction" on them. The nebulizer was my best friend so I had to be pseudo-incubated in the classroom during recess and unknowingly be withdrawn from PE classes and field demonstrations. In Christmas banquets I get to take the label of the bookworm grandchild - so much that I would get to receive a couple of heavy books of Mammals of South America or Oxford's Thesaurus. Boys even shorter than me got to bully me real hard. No one never got to understand that one day when my father had to physically drag me out of the house to go to school. It didn't matter even if three out of the four buttons of my shirt already flew out or the linings torn apart. Grade School Academics was cake. Ironically, I loathed report card distributions. It's as if there is still something to be ashamed of despite the very satisfactory ratings and my name written using the teacher's well-kept colored chalk. The 90-above general average wasn't enough to avert the dominance.
The invasion continued as I entered puberty. My relatives compelled me to take an exam in Manila Science High School, which I did. My being wasn't able to handle the overwhelming rush of uncertainty and intimidation that it rendered me catching a fever as I went home. My memory fails now to account if I indeed finished the exam. I am inclined to say "No", as MaSci alumnus never got crossed out of the task list. Still, it enveloped; I found myself being manipulated by the weaker class. My only attempt on silent personal outbursts got quashed prematurely. To avoid being confrontational, I could only help but accept hits and misses on the nights I was supposed to be home early. The same expectations were placed on top of my head as I succumbed to a travesty in self-awareness and false metamorphosis. Church presented itself as a medium when I became participative of reading verses during mass. Perhaps playing Joseph in the Living Nativity Scene helped, though it caused more embarrassment. Winning the championship in the dance contest when I was 16 surely was bittersweet, as well as bagging the 1st prize in the Millennium runway fashion show. Meanwhile, my family was just on the first little pebbles on rebuilding. Witnessing the interactions between members of the large clan and the divide between the self-made doctors, lawyers and executives group and the-rest-as-they-put-it planted its first seeds on my perspective of the ladder and pride theory.
Initially, I did not intend on entering college after my futile pretension of becoming a student in the University of the Philippines. What was I thinking? The chains were still there. Swimming classes were uncomfortably tough, and even if I wanted to, I never learned how to swim. Competition among the 40++ Computer Science students of UST was short of cutthroat. Everything had to be done right the first time, and as I failed a 5 unit Algebra and Trigonometry class I half-bailed and slowly became parasitic and nonchalant. Not to mention that the rest of what they call learning was a blur. At this point, my aunts have halted on their questions as a number of my cousins already surpassed me in the mental superiority race. The eyes were off me for a while until I made a insightful little speech about our ancestral home which was about to be sold. Yet, I was still regular with limited movement.
I am still trying to recall how and what made me know about the call center company I applied into. With so many expectedly failed interviews from IT companies it sparked that there is nowhere to go. So, I became a part of the commonly-dubbed zombie community of American voice over talents. As a technical support agent I milked my degree for what it's worth and sadly made it an excuse. But for the first time, pride and principle were used as weapons. It was short-lived, and yielded very little. There was still a battle of emotional egging over the lack of appropriate education. My first supervisory job landed as a result. More and more string-pulls were done and avoided. Ambitions were set aside and the caravan stops.
With a massive outstanding balance from Citibank, an unused membership at the gym, countless of gadgets thrown away, unfinished tasks in self-development and practical living, too many bad dates, useless fornication, and four years worth of messing around, it's quite difficult to ask the instinct. Definitely, something off the hook would do the trick. The only problem is: would it be better to just be securely dummied around than to be set roaming blindly? The thing I call success is far from reach for now.
As they say, you should always count your blessings. In a nutshell, after some days and weeks of seemingly uneventful and wearisome entries here comes some leaf-turning. It will be refreshing to know that I am able to let a few little good things be noticed. Some of my favorites this week:5. Kuya's House Being Sabotaged - for the first time in years, local TV has captured my interest (in parts) through the latest Big Brother Season. Watching people create unnecessary drama for good TV (or lack thereof). Mid-life crisis vs. rebellious hormones well executed. I'd rather watch the stage parents' interactions rather than some poor attempt on teenage show-mance and workshops. Good job in inducing potential trauma to minors. Big Brother doing obvious damage control is gold. Real or not, having his ass handed to him would be the day. I say replace him with the Spanish dad. He'd be better TV! 4. More Reality Show Meltdowns - I must admit that these aren't really "good" but, come on! They're on TV! American Idol has provided me with some painful, but still giggle-worthy entertainment in Brooke. Watching her downward spiral lies somewhere between comedic and disturbing. Since "Jolene", she has been observed to be slowly losing her grip. It's kinda hard to watch her though, and she needs to be let go. At least Sanjaya reveled on being abysmal. I don't care who wins anymore...3. Indie British Invade Me - new music has continually changed my moods from time to time. I lately find myself being immersed to UK Indie Rock bands. Back are the days when Oasis kills time for me. Nowadays, there are highly talented groups as The Kooks, Kaiser Chiefs, Arctic Monkeys and Bloc Party influencing my musical taste, or simply just letting the lazy afternoon pass by easily.2. Hard Candy Leaks - a week before the official album release, it has completely become available illegally online. Marketing strategy or not, the album has nothing to be ashamed of. This collaboration can fly. Some tracks are very similar to the likes of Timbaland's previous spells with Nelly and Justin, but it sure adds a large chunk of M on them. The album will be playing in my ipod for at least a week. Non-stop.1. Paolo gets a Nudge - in the quest to start over, I just about had it. At one solo moment at Church I basically was being a jerk by saying that I don't need a miracle. If something good was going to happen that day, then it would happen after I go out. In a few hours, my phone rang... [the rest is still something we have to wait for, nonetheless this is already a big boost].Foolish and insignificant as they look like, I wouldn't put them here if they didn't make a difference to my atmosphere. I am still looking very intently at the clouds.
This has been done a year ago: You ain't original. Never was. Please put him in a cage match against Kristy Lee.
| Ay Ya Ya | Apr 14, '08 11:12 AM
for everyone |
Finally the day was graced with a sufficient amount of moisture. It made the rush through the busy streets a little close to bearable. Once again, I wandered aimlessly to yield anything of worth. Ram claims he saw me - but I denied in agreement. Haha! Ram: see, I am probinsyano na gyud!  Speaking of precipitation, I think I still can muster up some steam. Some leeway has presented itself that granted me a little more reprieve so most of the pressure is gone for now. Goody - the only thing you can depend on is your family.***
[brainfart]
I have been thinking: Are traditional Filipinos pessimists? Take a look --
"Ang pagsisisi ay nasa huli..."
When I was younger, I used to ponder a lot regarding things that I should be "regretful" of, to the extent that almost everything awful I had to be sorry for. Now, how I interpret this proverb is kind of fuzzy. On the other hand...
"Hindsight is 20/20."
This is more like how it should be done. I was trained to be more appreciative of change as I grew older. Step back to see the bigger picture and how a single episode fits in the whole tapestry. As much as it is temptingly easy to do, I avoid pointing fingers. I can't force people to change, or events from not happening, but I sure can definitely do something about myself and the way I look at things. Regret isn't entirely healthy.
[/brainfart]
***
The wait for Monday is over, and it is indeed. What is next?***
Current mood: relievedNow Playing: Ashlee Simpson - Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) (Dave Aude Club Mix) --- thus the title of the entry. I never liked her music but I enjoy this remix a lot.
April 10
24°C to 35°C | April 11
25°C to 34°C | April 12
25°C to 34°C | April 13
24°C to 35°C | Here's the weather forecast for the rest of the week (photo courtesy of Inquirer.net). It is very hard to imagine walking the business district and having lunch outside. Bleah! Good thing I was able to cool off with a big-ass, world class halo-halo of Tondo (sans the questionable source of crushed ice, hehe). It was a huge reward for a cruel summer like this. Sun, sun, sun...stay away from my melanin......shine a light on my success instead. I have half a million to beat.***
 Blonde-country-girl-ownage tonight! She certainly has grown with her personality as compared to Brooke who is starting to radiate psycho-tendencies. Jason and the ukulele seemed weird. If Syesha survives this week (which I doubt), I hope she butchers Mariah Carey on the theme week and pale in comparison (again), horribly.
I think they got rid of the "mosh-pitters" doing the Kumbaya wave! *clap clap*
And oh, I wish Archuleta would tackle "Touch My Body". Maybe I'll root for him after that...haha!***
Speaking of Reality TV, it is such an annoyance to know that the Survivor franchise has been purchased by a local channel. Come on - it is the holy grail of all reality shows. I call blasphemy! Just imagining way below par versions of the god Russ Landau's scores and the rest of why the show is superior makes me cringe.As if murdering Shaider's legacy wasn't enough...
***
a young boy of two
mimicry of new voices
window of escape
It has been 2 years since my paternal grandfather passed away. I would just like to post my online eulogy for him during that time.I just buried my grandfather over the weekend. It was too abrupt, but anticipated somehow. He was the last of the grandparents that I have; and in particular, he may be the more characteristically indirect role models. A practical professional, a learned disciplinarian and most of all, a distinguished patriarch all throughout.
Being the established dentist that he was, he inspired his family to prioritize education primarily. He knew that he came from a well-off clan but that didn’t stop him from earning a degree and a stable source of living. He was a very well-organized practitioner and knows the value of hard-earned wealth. His children are testament to that. Least to say, Daddy Lolo was a gifted and clever individual.
As a parent, there is no doubt that he was the strict one. Well, for one, as a father raising nine children he knew very well how to balance and direct each of his children’s lives to the best they can possibly move. In the eyes of his grandchildren however, he exhibited a certain type of aura that was very reserved and almost non-verbal. Even so, he made sure that he did what he can to attend to all of his twenty-one grandchildren and a handful of great grandchildren. His method of letting us know where to go was not commanding but it was effective.
Lolo may have been the timid kind of grandfather but he sure did have his ways of showing us he cared. My memories of him are at most few but those are signature. I recall he was a great violinist in his time and at one time he did say he did play (It was then validated that we are a family of musicians). I remember his stories of how he grew up in our neighborhood in Tondo riding horses along the used-to-be clear grounds of the estero. And of course, his yearly Christmas queue of kids he handed money to.
He clearly was a patriarch to his kin and an efficient catalyst that held these branches together. Reunions will sure be slightly different now that he passed. One thing’s for sure, I – and I’m sure most of my relatives would agree – consider him as a brilliant role model when it comes to keeping your ideologies and practical thinking closely working together. That’s definitely how I live my life now.
Here’s to you, Daddy Lolo!
This lazy afternoon I decided to organize my music playlist when I browsed through my Carpenters collection. I was looking for a list of all of their singles so that I can add them to my ipod. One thing lead to another and I caught myself watching the 90-minute E! True Hollywood story of Karen Carpenter on YouTube. I have revisited her life for that moment. When I was 7, I remember there was this movie shown in RPN titled "The Karen Carpenter Story". It was my first exposure to her music; though I only caught a few segments of the film. My Mom listens to them a lot and they were arguably very popular in here - as I've experienced during family get-togethers. I've also read a fictitious horror account from the local komiks about her disorder and eventual death. Throughout high school I've listened to an array of cassette tapes of her recordings. In 2005, I have read a bunch of articles about her death primarily, as I enjoy reading musical artists' biographies.It is not very difficult to like their music and I wouldn't elaborate on it. All I can say is that she is one of the best interpreters in the whole music industry. Bar none. It was a terrible loss as well. It was too bad that she died on my birth year, I guess that explains the affinity. I just wanted to honor her legacy through this and continue patronizing her music.
Wake up after lunch. Coach my Dad on some of the answers on the noontime game show. Consume breakfast at 3 PM. Slouch and check who's online on Yahoo Messenger, but won't talk to them anyway. Download TV Shows yet to be seen. Feed the dogs and pet them a bit. Small talk with Mom about some bettor who claims that the latest 250M prize money in the lotto was suspiciously won by only a single person. Evade credit card payment collectors who call up every 5 minutes. Wait for calls for employers in vain. Eat whatever. Marathon through The Office episodes and blurt out a genuinely thick giggle whenever Kevin makes his facial expressions. Or wonder how cool Jim is. Or daydreaming of becoming a young executive like Ryan Howard, as if it would happen. Stay up late until I really feel sleepy cos I just don't like thinking about too much in bed. Rinse. Repeat.
This has been my daily routine.
I can't even begin on how to follow that statement up; I might lose my mind.
Ironically though, people around me are receiving good news themselves. Let me enumerate them...
...on second thought...
Fill in the blanks: I am _____________.
| |
